A new series has emerged from Apple TV recently that has sparked a lot of online discussions and I was certainly intrigued. “Pluribus” is created by Vince Gilligan (creator of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul) and stars Rhea Seehorn. The series explores a near-future world divided by a strange phenomenon. A mysterious event has united the minds of the entire earth’s population, creating a society of total understanding and zero secrets. People are kind, there is no conflict or war. No need to talk to each other since you are the same person as the whole world. One same mind in billions of bodies. However, the twist is that a few people remain immune to this “Joining” and keep their unique identity. The show focuses on Carol who has remained immune and does not approve of what is happening around her.

I won’t spoil anything for you here. But I will say that Pluribus got me thinking about what I actually mean when I say I want my space.

At first, I thought Carol had it better. Being disconnected from the hive mind seemed like the ideal situation. That’s what I’d pick, right? But I kept watching and I started to notice things. The disconnected people aren’t happy. They’re not relieved to be outside the hive. They’re just alone. Deeply, permanently alone. And that made me wonder if what I want when I say I want to be alone, in my personal space, is actually what they have.

I don’t think it is.

What I want, what most introverts want I think, isn’t the complete absence of people. It’s the absence of performance. We don’t want to be on all the time. We don’t want every conversation to require energy we don’t have. We don’t want to smile when we’re not happy or pretend to be interested when we’re not.

But that’s different from wanting no human contact at all.

I’ve had days where I get exactly what I think I want. No plans. No messages to answer. No one expecting anything from me. And sometimes those days are great. I recharge. I do my own thing. I feel like myself again. But other times, I get to the end of that day and I feel that something is missing.

The people outside the hive in Pluribus have total freedom from social demands. No one expects anything. They have complete autonomy. But the show frames this as exile, not freedom. And I think that’s the right word for it.

Because here’s what I’m realizing. Even those of us who need a lot of alone time still need some thread of connection. It doesn’t have to be constant. It doesn’t have to be demanding. But it has to exist.

A friend who texts you something they thought you’d like, with no expectation you’ll respond immediately. Someone who just checks up on you regularly. A connection that doesn’t ask you to perform or be someone you’re not. That’s different from isolation.

I think we get confused sometimes about what we’re trying to avoid. We’re not trying to avoid people. We’re trying to avoid expectations. Obligations. The feeling that we owe someone our energy even when we don’t have it to give.

The Pluribus hive mind is too much. Way too much. But living completely outside of it is too little. And most of us are trying to find something in between. A place where we can be connected without being consumed. Where we can be alone without being lonely. Where we can say no without feeling like we’re failing at being human.

Maybe the question isn’t whether we need people. We do. The question is what kind of connection we need, and how much control we have over it.

I want connections that don’t drain me. I want people who understand that silence isn’t rejection. I want relationships where I can disappear for a few days to recharge and come back without having to explain myself.

That’s not the same as wanting to be alone forever. Solitude does not equal loneliness, though the line between them can get blurry sometimes. It’s just wanting to be alone on my own terms.