Socialising and introverts do not seem to match. That’s for sure. We hear the word and we feel as actors casted in a wrong play. It is not that we are not able to socialise properly. It’s simply that we do not want to. There are of course some introverts that have social anxiety while others just do not want to bother giving their precious energy to socialising. In this post, I will try to share my tips on how I have not ended up a hermit and made meaningful connections without losing my precious solitude.
The Extrovert Friend
There is a famous meme that I keep seeing on the social media that says: How introverts make friends? And the answer is below:
There is truth to this meme. The best-case scenario is to become friends with an extrovert person that truly understands your introverted nature and respects it. This way you can “use” them to meet other people that can become your friends if you hit it off.
It is difficult to meet people if you do not have an extrovert friend. Some of the common ways to try and find a friend is to embrace your hobbies and interests. This way you definitely will meet people that you can talk about a shared interest and move on from there. Internet forums is the best place to start if you do not want face to face contact. Remember to be yourself and don’t rush things. It takes time and of course luck to find a good friend.
Overcoming Social Anxiety
Social Anxiety is a serious reason that introverts are having difficulty making friends. What I find most helpful in this situation is to speak with a therapist to help you fight it but I understand that even this step is hard for many people. Here is a very helpful article that presents ways that will help you to deal with social anxiety.
From my personal experience, I noticed that as I am getting older the social anxiety subsides. I think that this happened because I had to face situations in my work that helped subside my fear of social interaction. Of course, I still have it and makes me uncomfortable but not how it used to. I believe that you should try to start small, take baby steps, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Luckily as years go by there is a lot of understanding and respect towards people with social anxiety, so I doubt that someone will think of us as “weird” if we express our discomfort when socialising.
Quality over Quantity
Currently the word is obsessed with the number of followers and likes we have on social media. We, as introverts, surely understand that these connections are shallow and have no meaning. Do not try to imitate others, there is no point. For your own inner piece, focus on cultivating connections that touch your soul, relationships that grow like a well-nurtured garden.
Conquer Social Obligations
It is understandable that there are social obligations that we cannot avoid. Whether it is a family gathering, wedding or a night out with colleagues, I have already posted ways of navigating through them. What I want to point out is that you should not feel obliged to accept every invitation. You should try to choose events that can offer a good chance of having a good time and meet people as well with no pressure.
The art of small talk
Small talk is an indispensable part of socialising. As we have already covered you should let the other party do the talking, ask follow-up questions and remember personal details. As the conversation is flowing you will understand whether the person you are speaking, shares common interests or experiences that will intrigue you to know them better.
Remember Boundaries
As an introvert, setting boundaries is the best tool we have to protect our precious alone time. You need to learn say “no” without guilt when you are feeling overwhelmed from social interactions. Your real friends will understand you and respect your needs. If you have “friends” that pressure you when you say no, maybe you should think again if they not worth your time, since clearly their priority is not your well-being.
Remember that introverts don’t collect friends like baseball cards; we cultivate meaningful relationships that stand the test of time. We are not lacking in the friendship department. We may have a small group of close friends, but we excel at cultivating strong connections with them and make them our priority.
