There comes a time in someone’s life when they have to co-exist with others because the circumstances usually impose it. In my case, this happened when I moved to another country for my studies. It was then that I had to live in a dorm with people I didn’t know, who were from different countries and cultures. As I have already shared my experience with you in a previous post, I realized that I did not mention the challenges I faced when I had to live with strangers in my dorm. So, this blog post is about how to navigate the challenge of moving in with a roommate and how to coexist harmoniously without losing your peace.
1. Set Boundaries Early
When you first meet your roommate, try to convey how introverted you are. For example, mention in the conversation that you prefer quiet time over wild parties. This could give them a hint. Establishing boundaries early on is crucial, as you certainly will not enjoy confrontations down the line. It’s much easier to set expectations from the beginning than to address them after frustrations have built up.
Tip: Frame your needs positively. Instead of saying, ‘I don’t like loud parties,’ try, ‘I really appreciate a quiet environment with a very small group of friends.’ This will set the tone for your character.
2. Invest in Good Noise-Cancelling Headphones
My recommendation for this is obvious. First, you get to listen to whatever you want without being distracted by others, and second, wearing them constantly immediately conveys the message that you want to be left alone.
Tip: Get headphones that stand out. Over-ear might be the best choice so that it is obvious you are wearing them
3. Establish a Communication System
Clear communication is key to avoiding misunderstandings and awkward encounters. Since we introverts may not always feel comfortable having frequent in-person discussions, consider setting up a communication system that works for both of you. This could be a shared calendar app, a whiteboard on the fridge, or a group chat. Following the example of Sheldon Cooper, you can take these discussions and set up a simple document outlining key points like cleaning schedules, guest policies, and quiet hours. It can serve as a reference point if any disagreements arise later on.
Tip: Address any issues calmly and in writing if that’s easier for you. Sometimes, written communication can help you articulate your thoughts without the pressure of a face-to-face conversation.
4. Designate Private Spaces
Even in a shared living situation, it’s important to carve out your own personal space. This could be your bedroom, a corner of the living room, or even a small corner where you can retreat when you need to recharge. Make this space comfortable and reflective of your personality—somewhere you can truly relax.
Tip: Communicate your designated space and encourage the others to set up one for themselves as well.
5. Plan Your Alone Time
Living with a roommate doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your alone time. Plan activities that allow you to get out of the house and spend time alone. Whether it’s going for a walk, visiting a quiet café, or finding a secluded spot in a park, make sure you regularly schedule solo time to recharge. Try to learn your roommate’s schedule so you can plan quiet time at home when they are away.
Tip: If your roommate is extroverted, they may enjoy socializing more than you do. You need to respect this as they respect you. So, in these cases, compromise by occasionally letting them have people over after giving you notice so you can plan to avoid being at home.
6. Choose Your Roommate Wisely
If you have the luxury of choosing your roommate, take your time with this decision. No you cannot have a cat as a roommate as it will not help with the bills. However, it’s essential to find someone (a human) who shares similar living habits and values personal space. Look for someone who understands the importance of quiet time, isn’t a party animal, and preferably has a life of their own. A fellow introvert could be a perfect match, or at least someone who respects introversion.
Tip: During the roommate interview process, don’t shy away from asking direct questions about their lifestyle. How often do they have friends over? What’s their idea of a relaxing evening? Their answers can give you a good sense of whether you’ll be compatible.
7. Have an Escape Plan
Sometimes, no matter how well you plan, you just need to get away. Having an escape plan for those moments when the environment feels too overwhelming can be a lifesaver. This could be as simple as going for a drive, taking a day trip, or visiting the library.
Tip: Keep a list of places you can go, no matter the hour or the weather.
Living with a roommate as an introvert doesn’t have to be a nightmare. With these tips and a bit of foresight, you can create a living environment that respects your introverted nature while fostering a positive roommate relationship. Remember, your home should be your sanctuary, and with the right approach, it can be just that—even when shared. You can find your inner peace if you try a bit.
